FAILURE

I'm back world...

With a lot of failures I carried on

Were those really failures?

I even don't know what failures is. Mistake, if I may say, is the most appropriate word instead of Failure. Why? Because failure is basically beginning from mistake. Failure literally means when you are failed in obtaining something of your truly interest. But why that could happen? The answer is mistake. Mistake because I hardly meet preparation with chance, I mean, I am lacking of preparation, so when I grab those dazzling chances, I blow it off because I am not yet qualified. That's number one. When preparation failed to meet chances. Chances is just like bonus points in game, the more you get the points, the more you score high points. It s equal, huh? The more you succeed in holding those chances and cracking the 'gold' inside, the more you are qualified.

Number two. The most important of all, even really could beat number 2. Prayer. No matter how hard worker you are, no matter how capable, beautiful, smart, or anything you think you already have and you think those criteria fit your dream and you are so sure you can conquer it easily, hey man, I told you, you are dead man if your prayer isn't heard. NOTHING. That's you (actually everyone included me) without prayer. Have you experienced that you felt you were capable and you were decent in achieving your dream of anyone else in the a test, but at last someone you and anyone never expect to win the game is actually do so? I have. Just few weeks ago, when I told my self I was able to conquer this but the result: I WAS IN THE UNDEFINED ROW. I didnt think that person would pass because several reason I couldnt tell you what, but I guess what happened to that person was miraculous, the judge seem not to care but finally pass that person through.  

I still remembered the day when the test held, that person was taking salat sincerely and longer than I did usual (Of course I dont mean to say the longer your salat, the better) but I am sure that person was religious one. Person that I am sure loved and cared more by Allah than me, because the way that person cares and loves Allah more than I do to Him (perhaps). I always believe that what people have include all the greatness is nothing because sometimes, those could be taken back by Allah. Perhaps car crash that would burn or scratch beauty face or crack those genius brain so will cost very much rupiahs, who knows what will happen right? So, no matter how hard you try, you are nothing if you dont pray. I didnt say when you dont have to make optimal effort. If you think you can only got the beautiful way just with praying, then you are DUMB. Because God wont change a thing of you, except you do change your fate :D, then you are praying, you are heard and you are granted :D. That s mistake number two! I didnt pray much, oh... instead I chatted with a friend which cost me problems... Hmmm, mistakes... what should I do? Eating? Sleeping? Oh yeah, that what a normal do :D

Summer meet Winter

"On January 8, Tom Hansen meets Summer Finn, the new assistant to his boss. Tom trained as an architect but works as a writer at a greeting card company in Los Angeles. Following a karaoke night, Tom's friend and co-worker McKenzie reveals that Tom is attracted to Summer. During the next few months Summer and Tom grow closer, despite Summer's telling Tom that she does not believe in true love, and does not want a boyfriend.

Tom shows Summer his favorite spot in the city, which overlooks a number of buildings he likes, although the view is spoiled by parking lots. After several months of dating, Tom gets into a fight with a man who flirts with Summer, and they have their first argument. On day 290, Summer and Tom end their relationship after they see The Graduate, a film which Tom thinks shows true love. Tom does not take the breakup well, and Tom's friends call his younger sister, Rachel, to calm him down.

Summer quits her job at the greeting card company. Tom's boss moves him to the consolations department, as his depression is not suitable for happier events. Months later, as Summer and Tom attend the wedding of a co-worker, they dance at the wedding and Summer catches the bouquet. They sit next to each other on the trip home, and Summer invites Tom to a party at her apartment. He attends the party, but leaves when he sees that Summer is wearing an engagement ring. Tom enters a deep depression, only leaving his apartment for alcohol and junk food. After a few days, he returns to work with a hangover and after an emotional outburst, quits his job. He decides to rededicate himself to architecture, makes a list of firms, and begins to attend interviews.

On day 488, Summer sees Tom at his favorite spot in the city, and they talk. Tom states his lack of understanding towards her actions. Summer explains that he was right about the existence of true love and that she discovered in someone else all the feelings she had never been sure about with Tom. Summer holds Tom's hand. She says she is glad to see Tom is doing well. As she leaves Tom tells her he really hopes she is happy"

If you wish me to become Tom Hansen and you are being Summer, I am so glad that I realized it sooner and let you search the other Tom Hansen. It is not like I am so that into you, just like Hansen does, no it isn't. It is because I hate to live in uncertainty, chasing upon unclear and never ending things. You know? it is wasting time. The time when you say 'Bye', it is not because you are angry or get mad to me (I recently realized the this), I am sure it is because you dont want to prolong this things as you realized: we want different things.

You: want someone beside you, support you, and take care of you, but you don't want to love her. You just want a fling, for being a place to have fun in your very busy and hectic life. At the end, you just free her to choose another guy because you yourself have found your true love, the one that you discover true love inside her. You are so much like Summer, as you told me.
Me: I don't want to be a fling.

So when you are being Summer, let me to be Winter. Rigid, cold, firm. Those words equal with CERTAINTY. Something that you don't get it in this case.

I should've slapped you to portray my disappointment or even worst like I drown into depression like Tom Hansen does, leaving his apartment full with alcohol and junkfood. Well in this case, I am not Tom Hansen, I dont have apartment, and I am a scientific girl that used alcohol for antiseptic instead of for drinking, and since junkfood isnt cheap even the title 'junk' 'food' that literally means that those foods are so appropriate to be placed in the garbage but in real world guys those food are so expensive and displayed in show case and looking so expensive, delicious, and winking to you when you pass the counter, the point is junk food is too expensive to buy everyday for me. But still, I don't do that, I dont know why.

I guess, it comes clear! yay, lets remain friend like ship that never sink called friendship.
Regards,

Winter

Love This: MY DAMN SWEET GUY

‘ Bales dong sms aku,’ suara di telpon itu terdengar mengamuk.

                ‘Maaf, tadi aku lagi makan. Kagok ngetik sms nya. Maaf ya? Please..,’ sebisa mungkin Tia menenangkan. Radi memang selalu begitu. Marah kalau sms gak dijawab barang sedetik aja.

                ‘Oke deh, lain kali kalau mau telat sms kasih tau. Jangan bikin orang nunggu, kesel tau,’ Radi merajuk kesal. Tia paling suka kalau Radi sudah merajuk. Pasti Tia menenangkan Radi dengan kata-kata yang ‘romantis’. Tia sendiri geli dengan kata ini karena sebelumnya ia sulit untuk membuka hati dengan hal seperti itu. Well, sebenarnya gak pernah si Tia bilang sayang atau ‘cinta kamu’ atau ‘sayang kamu’ sama Radi. Orang mereka belum pacaran!

                ‘Waduh, gue bingung Van. Kita tuh smsan sama telpon-telponan udah hampir 3 bulan. 3 bulan, evaan!!!’ Tia meremas kertas ditangannya gemas.

                ‘ Dia suka sama lo kali,’ evan menguyah siomaynya dengan santai.             

                Tia memberengut, ‘ Ga mungkin Van, dia tuh Cuma nganggep gue temen. Ga lebih’. Tia menghela napas lagi, ‘ Tapi dia perhatian banget ma gue .sms ga dibales aja marah. Trus dia nanya gue udah makan ato belum. Dia marah pula kalau gue bilang gue males makan. Trus baru kemaren malem, dia nelpon gue ampe jam dua pagi. Gue sahabatan ma elo aja ga gitu-gitu banget kan? Ini udah ga wajar…,’

                ‘ Hebat berarti dia, pdkt nya pelan-pelan, ga kaya gue keburu-buru, jadi aja di tolak sama si Via. Pokoknya lo sabar aja, lo tinggal tunggu di jedor aja sama dia,’ Evan menaikturunkan kedua alisnya yang segede ulat bulu.

                ‘ Hehe… Itu jawaban yang gue harepin,’

                ‘Huh, ngarep lo!’ Evan menelengkan kepala Tia.

***

                ‘Norak banget deh mereka pacarannya,’ bisik Tia sebal. Orang-orang yang lagi pacaran di belakang mereka lagi ngobrol ‘sayang-sayangan’ yang bikin telinga Tia panas. Tia paling ga suka kalau ada orang yang obral mesra di depannya.

                Radi hanya tertawa kecil mendengarnya. ‘ Ya udah sih, namanya juga orang pacaran,’

                ‘Ih kalau aku pacaran ya, aku gak akan deh manggil cowok aku sayang-sayang gitu di depan publik,’ tukas Tia. Radi tersenyum menggoda, ‘ Mau pacaran sama siapa emangnya Ti?’

                Deg! Hati Tia tiba-tiba berdegup kencang. Ya sama kamu lah!!! Teriak Tia dalam hati. Tapi alih-alih kata-kata itu yang keluar, kata-kata ga jelas malah terkesan kumur-kumur yang keluar diikuti wajah Tia yang memanas.

                ‘ Kok jadi salting gitu sih? Merah lagi mukanya,’ goda Radi. Tia mati-matian membantah Radi bahwa mukanya baik-baik aja. Tiba-tiba Radi terdiam. Ia tak bicara beberapa saat sampai Tia memberanikan diri bertanya, ‘ Kok diem sih Rad?’

                Radi menghela napas dalam. Begitu selalu yang dilakukannya apabila menemukan masalah yang berat. ‘ Kalau kamu punya cowok, kamu bakal ngelupain semua yang terjadi sama kita selama ini. Pasti ga akan ada waktu buat bales telpon, bales sms, ngobrol berdua lagi...,’

                Tia shock mendengar itu. Hatinya senang sekaligus geregetan. Senang karena dia dianggap penting, geregetan karena dia ga pernah nyadar kalau cowok yang mau Tia pacarin itu Cuma Radi.

                ‘ Aku ga akan pernah ninggalin kamu,’ Tia berkata pelan namun mantap. Radi menoleh dan kemudian tersenyum.

                ‘ Thanks Tia, you are the best I’ve ever had,’ bisik Radi pelan namun jelas karena studio telah dipenuhi musik film yang akan mereka tonton.

                Radi ga pernah tau,kata-kata yang diucapkannya tadi membuat Tia ga pernah fokus nonton film selama 2 jam penuh.

***

                Tia memindahkan handphonenya dari telinga kiri ke telinga kanan. Tapi percuma, kedua kupingnya udah terlanjur panas. Matanya juga udah berat, jam udah menunjukkan pukul 1 pagi.

                ‘ Tia, orang tua ku bener-bener ga peduli sama aku. Gitu juga dengan temen-temen aku. Saat ini, cuma kamu yang peduli banget sama aku. Thanks ya,’ suara di telpon terdengar lirih. Hati Tia bersorak gembira, kontan matanya yang ampir off langsung berada di posisi on lagi.

                ‘ Emang penting ya sms dan telpon dari aku? Ga bosen gitu kamu, aku nanya-nanya hal silly kaya udah makan atau belom, lagi ngapain…? Kalo aku si ga bosen kamu nanya-nanya aku gitu..’ Tia menggantung kata-katanya.

                ‘Pentinglah, dan aku ga pernah bosen kamu nanya hal-hal gitu. Itu ga silly, justru hal itu yang bikin hidup aku semangat lagi. Sekali lagi makasih ya…,’

                Seketika itu juga Tia meloncat kegirangan dan memekik tanpa suara dan bruk!!!

                ‘ Aaw…,’ Tia mendapati dirinya terguling ke bawah kasur.

                ‘Kenapa?’

                ‘Gak apa-apa kok’ kata Tia meringis kesakitan.

                Hari ini Radi mengajak Tia untuk dinner di salah satu restoran terkenal di Bandung. Tia hampir kejang-kejang Radi mengajaknya kemarin.

                ‘Gak sia-sia Van badan gue kemarin pagi sakit semua,’ kata Tia kegirangan.

                ‘Ya elah, lo sih pake terjun indah dari kasur segala. Gue bilang juga sabar, pasti si radi nyatain juga kan,’ kata Evan. ‘ Mau nyalon dong lo?’

                Ya iya lah, hal itu sih udah pasti bagi Tia buat hari spesialnya. Sebentar lagi ia bakal melepas status jomblo-3-taunnya. Dalam hitungan jam lagi tia, be ready, pikir Tia sambil tersenyum-senyum sendiri.

                Tia sengaja buru-buru balik dari kampus setelah kuliah Kimia Organik. Dia pergi nyalon ke salon mahal rekomendasi dari temen-temen kuliahnya. Seumur hidupnya, dia ga pernah sekalipun full-nyalon, paling banter creambath. Tapi hari ini, selain hair spa, dia juga minta Mas Widi untuk me-make up tipis wajahnya dan menata rambutnya ala kriting gantung. Selanjutnya Tia memakai dress selutut warna pink muda bahan siffon dan sepasang high heels cantik warna putih hadiah ultah kemarin dari mama yang dia udah janji untuk ga memakai sepatu berhak jarum itu. Finishing touchnya, tia memakai clutch bag warna pink pinjaman dari kakaknya.

                Tia melangkahkan kakinya ke dalam restoran dengan susah payah karena memakai highheels dan perasaan nervous. C’mon tia, its ur big day, Radi will be falling after seeing ur awesome look, Tia menyemangati dirinya sendiri. Suasana restoran begitu romantic dan setelah melihat Radi duduk di salah satu bangku di ujung restoran, hati Tia tambah jumpalitan.

                ‘Hai, Ti. Sumpah, kamu… cantik banget,’ Radi bangkit dari kursinya, speechless. Radi yang Cuma memakai polo-shirt biru dan jeans belel, serta sneakers warna biru mendecak kagum. Radi menarik kursi di depannya dan mempersilakan Tia duduk. Tia dengan begitu anggunnya duduk. Kakinya dilipat agar body language-nya menarik perhatian Radi.

                Tia tersenyum, segalanya sesuai dengan rencana.

                ‘ Oh ini Kak Tia ya? Hai kenalin aku Adelle. Kamu cantik banget,’ tiba-tiba cewe manis mungil yang memakai kaus overloose, skinny jeans belel, sepatu keds putih menyapa Tia. So highschool babe…

                ‘Adelle, Tia ini yang selama ini udah peduli sama aku. Dia baik banget udah ngingetin aku dalam segala hal,’ puji Radi seraya melempar senyum pada Tia.

                ‘ Makasih banget ya Kak Tia, udah ngejagain my Radi selama Adelle ikut college di UK,’ kata Adelle.

                ‘ My radi?’ Tia keheranan.

                Radi tersenyum lagi. ‘ Iya Ti, aku sama adelle udah jadian selama 4 tahun dan dia ikut college 2 tahun di UK dan dia udah daftar di kampus kita. Bakal jadi junior di jurusan kamu, nitip ya dan thanks udah jadi sahabat yang baik buat aku.’

                “4 taun pacaran?  Junior gue? Sahabat yang baik?” Kepala Tia pening seketika.

First post: Hi and Good Bye

Phew, finally! I made my first post!!! Setelah berbulan-bulan yang lalu bikin blog ini akhirnya kesampaian juga untuk 'nyampah' pertama kali di sini. So just want to say BIG HI, WORLD! This lovely girl is about to spill part of her life on you :D

Hi, hi, dan hi. Cant stop smiling! Gerah banget udah lama gak nulis di laptop kesayangan dan finally publish and share it :D. Tunggu deh, tapi judulnya kok 'Hi and Good Bye'? Let me explain guys, as I said before, this is my debut in publishing my story dan nyampah di dunia maya. Sounds so pathetic, isnt it? Yah gimana lagi ya, yang namanya mahasiswa (baca:mahasiswa yang ga produktif, hehe) banyak banget kerjaannya which is nonton DVD, hehe. Berhubung sekarang aku lagi mengalahkan hawa nafsu untuk nonton DVD,  I just want to begin to WRITE! SKSD sama dunia maya (bukan ira maya sofa tentunya :p) dengan show up gigi selebar-lebarnya dan bilang HI.

Also, just want to say good bye. Haha. Ababil banget ya gue, baru debut pertama udah bilang selamat tinggal aja. Ngga kok, kebetulan akhir-akhir ini banyak banget kejadian unpredictable (dan sad ending tentunya), yang bikin aku berani bilang: SAY GOOD BYE, and MOVE ON. Sebenernya kata 'Bye' ini terinspirasi dari seorang undefined friend yang kami sempet menjalin (haha bahasanya...) pertemanan, terus kita berantem. We haven't made up yet sampai tulisan ini dibuat dan sebenernya aku juga gak ngerti kenapa dia marah (ada yang lebih ababil dari gue ternyata, terima kasih Ya Allah). Aku message lewat jejaring sosial sebut aja F* trus lewat sms juga, minta maaf buat kesalahan yang aku ga tahu apa haha. Balesannya? Dia cuma bilang BYE. That's it. We end up that night. So I promise my self, I have to let him go, and finally do as he told me: BYE sama cerita selama bareng ama dia (which is seru, hiks) ataupun kesalahan yang aku bikin dan aku ga tahu itu apa. I actually hate to say 'If', that word make me sounded like coward, yang kedengerannya ga berani natap masa depan, ga belajar dari masa lalu, dan pesimistik. Tapi beneran deh, for this case, I would love to say IF, just to turn back time and undo mistakes I ve done because losing friend like him is kind of something has been ripped off from part of my life. IF only, I never make those stupid decisions, we would still be friends, laughing, bullying each other....

Tapi sayang, aku ga punya jam pembalik waktu Hermione ( bahkan di dunia sihir aja Hermione susah banget  dapet izin punya jam itu padahal buat dipake belajar, gimana lagi kalau di Indonesia ya dan dikasih ke aku? Bisa-bisa aku pake sehari semalem ngulang nonton DVD glee dan skip kuliah hehe, yah palingan sama kementrian Indoneisa dikasihnya cuma jam weker, hehe), dan aku juga bukan Dedi Mizwar yang bisa nyusurin lorong waktu untuk balik ke masa lalu. Aku cuma gadis biasa yang punya jam tangan alih-alih jam pembalik waktu dan cuma bisa nyusurin lorong di kampus biru alih-alih lorong waktu. Jadi, IMPOSSIBLE kan??? Makanya, hal yang bisa aku lakukan sekarang adalah say Good Bye To The Past, karena waktu bukan undur-undur yang jalannya mundur, mau ga mau waktu pasti berjalan terus.


Waah, aku jadinya curcol! Tuh kan jadi nyampah beneran, haha...

Anyway, just wanna say hi! and Good Bye to the past!