Persiapan Nikah di Cianjur #Fotografer

Masih ga percaya kalau aku nge-planning buat nikah! Masih percaya ga percaya kalau aku udah dilamar sama orang. The same person whom I have written the story about. Iya, dengan dia yang dulu ada di cerita blog blog di awal.

Proses nya cukup singkat juga sih. Awalnya nentuin tanggal lamaran, terus keluarga kedua belah pihak untuk pertama kalinya ketemu karena memang calon berasal dari pulau yang berbeda hehe, lalu mulailah nanya kesanggupan pihak pria kapan dilangsungkan pernikahan. Kita sepakat bahwa nikah dilaksanakan selepas Idul Fitri dan saat ini masih nyari tanggal yang pas (mohon doanya semoga secepatnya dapat tanggal yang disepakati bersama). Eh tapi, meskipun tanggal belum ada, tapi perkiraan bulannya sih sudah ada. Less than one year lah ya Insya Allah. Oleh karenanya, aku dan keluarga bener-bener speed up banget prepare ini itu termasuk nanya-nanya vendor.

Vendor yang aku ulas pertama adalah vendor fotografi. Lha ko fotografi duluan? Vendor mana yang dicari duluan bergantung ama sikon sih sebenernya. Mungkin ini ga ideal ya, karena kan fotografi merupakan prioritas ke sekian setelah katering, dekor, dan rias. Cuma, karena kondisinya aku kerja di Jakarta, jadi aku percayakan Mama untuk handle vendor katering, dekor, rias, dan gedung. Jadi, ya aku berusaha untuk cari vendor fotografi sekitar Cianjur yang taste pengambilan gambarnya sesuai dengan selera. Nah, setelah install dari instagram WO yang @umiew.ivan karena hasilnya cukup oke untuk di kota Sukabumi, aku cari info vendor yang dipakai di setiap wedding yang dia pernah organize. Hasil stalking membuahkan hasil! Aku akhirnya mengantongi nama nama vendor fotografi yang menurutku hasilnya cukup bagus dan harganya masih bisa terjangkau hahaha. Maksud hati sih ngambil polar photography ama owlproject ya, tapi gimana harganya mahal banget kalau lihat dari reviewnya.

Fotografi sendiri sih menurutku penting karena di tangan fotografer lah momen-momen terbaik seumur hidup bisa dicapture dan dikenang seumur hidup. Cara fotografernya untuk main angle dan efek juga jadi tolak ukur aku buat milih vendor (dan yang paling utama sih budget). Nah berikut ini adalah hasil huntingan price list dari vendor yang udah kucari.

1. Passion Photography.

IG:  @passionphotoworks

web:  www.passionphotoworks.com

Super awesome hasilnya! Selintas mirip mirip lah hasilnya dengan Polar Photography atau Owlproject. Makanya aku sudah expect harganya pasti lebih dari budget ku.

Posting dalam Bahasa Indonesia

Eits... Judulnya kesannya saya jago banget bahasa Inggris. Haha... Malah sebaliknya, sering nulis Inggris di blog justru pengen belajar bahasa Inggris. Tapi justru saya ngeliat postingan saya yang pakai bahasa Indonesia lebih fleksibel dan fun aja untuk di baca. Jadi saya putuskan di blog ini akan nulis pake dua  bahasa (Indonesia dan Inggris) untuk beda postingan tentunya hahaha.

Hmmm... pengennya nulis banyak banyak. Tapi... karena saya harus belajar untuk interview besok, saya tahu diri saya harus belajar, dan nahan diri buat ga stalkingin orang, eh maksudnya nulis blog :p. Okee, tapi untuk bantu nginget tulisan apa yang pengen saya tulis, coba saya tulis dibawah topik apa aja yang kira kira menarik buat saya tulis:

1. Nikah itu ibadah (<duieleeh... anaknya ngebet nikah abis)
2. Education First bukan English First
3. Job Interview
4. How to draw fashion sketches (tentatif haha)
5. Jalan-jalan di Singapore!!! (Seru)
6. Jalan Jalan di Mesir (meski ini 4 tahun lalu sih hahaha)

Nah, semoga saya masih bersemangat dalam menulis. Aamin.

Okay, karena besok Senin (dan interview) jadi mau sedikit muhasabah dulu hahahaha dengan kertas kertas interview besok.

Best,
nafas hujan

Interview Preparation

Interview... Hmm... this tricky step of getting a job. Great interviewer sometimes wouldn't give you any of glimpse whether he/she is satisfied with your answer. He/she could make you telling story and respond to it very well that you dont know whether it works or no.

This week, I am going to have 2 consecutive interview on Monday and Sunday via live meeting. Live meeting? Yes, because I am applying for regional assignment in Singapore. The interviewers of course were based there. What to prepare then?

Technical:

1. Since it's gonna be online, I gotta make sure the connection going well and no distraction exist. So, booking room for interview is done!

2. Headset. Invest on a good one! Otherwise, it will impact on the quality of voice you'll be hearing

Non technical:

1. Understand the job properly. I was given a sheet of full description about my job desc. Tonight (I know its too late hahaha), I am going to delve deep that sheet.

2. Prepare my Strength and Weakness and the narrative. I was told by my current Line Manager. When you are about to tell the strength and weakness, make sure you fulfill STAR. What is STAR?

• S: exact Situation when you've applied your strength, describe the event, 
• T : Forget hahaha
• A: Forget hahaha
• R : Result. tell them how was the result of the event you've described earlier.

3. Learn my cv. What I have written is what they will ask me about.

4. Mental. Put the nothing to loose mentality.

Okay, be back with the first phase of interview result and the abbreviations of TA in STARS.

Bye.

Deeper Conversation

This gate will be opened for both of us, Insya Allah. We are going to enter, that gate together. You and me. This gate is not a game, it's a journey instead. Not for lover, but for partners who love each other unconditionally. I'ts getting nerve wrecking for we will spend our life together, forever till Jannah insya Allah. I'ts getting nerve wrecking for these two different human being. What is your dream? Are we pursuing the same dream? What do you think I should improve? How do you envision life? Through those questions, I'm learning what life you and I will live in, and I'm learning you...

Is your favourite colour blue?
Do you always tell the truth?
Do you believe in outerspace?
And i'm learning you

He asked the reason behind my strangest behavior. He asked about my insecurity. Then he tried to read me, my personality. He is learning me...

Is your skin as tanned as mine?
Does your hair flow sideways?
Did someone take a portion of your heart?
And im learning you

We confessed. We talked heart to heart, sometimes with tension, then calmer. I told him, what I really was passionate about, he listened carefully, very carefully which I hated and loved about him at the same time. He could make me telling stories I have never been telling everyone, the biggest fear I was afraid to tell to any man I had crush on. He did it, only him.

And if you dont mind
Can you tell me
All your hopes and fears
and Everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

I love when he created this comfort zone around me, the safest place I can utter literally everything. You broke my self defense layer by layer when I know you are one of those few I could trust. And I know you were doing the same too, telling me something I can only know. I can sense your worry, but please, dont worry. I'm here to accompany you, passing through everything.

I let my guard down for you
And in time you will too

If you dont mind, please tell me everything, everything. I'd love to listen to your every story, even your darkest. Because I love to be a part of you.

if you dont mind
Can you tell me
All your hopes and fears
and Everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

Please don't give up on my tantrum, childish behaviour which frustated you many times. Please don't stop taking me to deeper conversation, because I enjoyed when I am learning you.

if you dont mind
Can you tell me
All your hopes and fears
and Everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

Yuna- Deeper Conversation

Acceptance

Things were going so rough this week (Phew, I'm using english instead of Indonesian again). I have to keep telling my self all over again that I need a break to think over what's been occurring in the past days.

Well, I questioned these many why's in my life recently? I didnt get the place I want in my career, I didnt get the salary increase as much as I expected, and why I was told to be in the place that in my opinion didnt really offer robust learning for my career.

Then, I realized it all happened, there were nothing else I could do. Gavel was pounded, things were decided. I had no higher power to amend the decision. It was hurt at the first, I was crying overnight, I decided to take a work from home only to calm my nerves down. I was so upset, oh no more disappointed. I was losing direction and hope at the same time.

Then, I reflect. I was too consumed to my disappointment. My energy was drained out. Left the negative thought, while nothing productive I did during the time. I wasted my energy for nothing.

Then, I remembered, those my glorious day. Not because my achievement, instead by the maturity I possessed back then. Compared to now, I didnt get to achieve what I achieve now, but I was so happy and content. During that time, back in my junior school era, I was bullied, didnt get many friends, I was neither smart nor clever student, I was having this teenager issue with my whole family, but I could control my emotion. Why?

Then, I get the answer. I was so full of acceptance. I accepted things happened for reasons, failure directed me to a better path, failure taught me to work harder without any excessive expectation, patience was my fruitful blessing from God, and et cetera. I was far more wise back then.

So what happened to me now? Yes, I got this too much worries, what if I couldn't sustain my family life, what if I couldn't make my family happy, and a lot of what ifs.

I know, I have this prime homework. I know the answer: I have to get rid all of this worries and let the self assurance and acceptance in to my mind.

At this moment

At this moment on,
I refuse to talk about my dream, to fight for it, to even dream about it.

I am wounded.

I even stop discussing about how to get to my dream. Even when people keep asking about it. What's the point? People judge me for what I am doing great, instead of telling me to pursue my dream.

I understand, people doesnt define what my life is going to be.

People gauge everything from the surface, instead of the within. I my self who know about the within, power inside me.

Then, its going back to the old story. Where I shut my mouth, then let my work show them that I can do something they tell me cant.

One door shuts, Another Ones Open

Just get back with my manager discussion about this career path of mine.

It's just getting confusing. Like I am taken aback when heard about several statements.

Jittery and relief are mixed in one place.

Jittery, I wonder where I am going to do next. This work of mine seems like pretty amusing and promising at first, you are given well-paid salary, enough exposure to stakeholders, but above all, it offers uncertainty. Uncertainty about what's my next destination after this internship program. Who will keep me in the next job? I dont wanna be homeless. I want to get home and the chaperone who will keep me because my job. It turned out that the home I wanted to go, offering the hurdles. I was once in that home, but my track record wasnt good enough that time. So its hard for me to get back to that home again. Yeah, wasnt good enough when you were trying to keep your values on track, wasnt good enough when you saw your colleagues cheating, wasnt good enough when you were not well-briefed during your first time job, wasnt good enough when you were all by yourself figuring what the job truly was.

Relief, I know the hard truth. As simple as I know what happened. The ugly truth.
1. When you know the truth that people has the other agenda when talking to you. When talking about, yeah, we judge you by the process, but apparently, its just their service because at the end of the day, they judge result.
2. When you think you were good enough realizing that your effort exerted was great even though the result wasnt good. Yeah, thats your thought, yours only. it doesnt belong to your surrounding.
3. You have to move from your current home when it is over, because other person is going to replace you. Eventhough your housemom is super angelic, but she couldnt promise to make other vacancy to you because the position is left temporary.

What do I do?
I try not to be overthinking about it, even though those truths are indeed slapping you on the face. At least, yes this door is shut, but what about other doors? Is there always doors available for those who try and pray?

Leap Year Moment

Jadi, bulan kemarin tepatnya satu hari lalu adalah tanggalan unik. Kabisat. Leap Year kalau orang Inggris bilang. It wasn't good thing happening, no. It's terrible thing. Haa.... pake bahasa Inggris pula, tadinya ga mau pake bahasa Inggris. *so engres banget anaknya.

Momen Kabisat ini diwarnai dengan suatu masalah dengan seseorang yang membawa aku sama momen sekitar 2-3 tahun lalu. Karena aku orangnya kontekstual, aku selalu belajar permasalahan dari masa lalu. Jadi, aku gampang traumaan dan kalau membaca tanda-tanda, aku bakalan menyangkut pautkan dengan kejadian masa lalu yang serupa. Bagi yang belum tahu apa itu kontekstual, kontekstual sendiri adalah sifat seseorang yang cenderung terpatok sama masa lalu untuk melihat pola kejadian yang dicocokkan sama kejadian sekarang. Ga selamanya kontekstual ini berarti terjebak di masa silam, kontekstual ini salah satu cara bagi orang-orang untuk membuat strategi yang baru dengan berkaca pada pengalaman supaya tidak mengulang kesalahan di masa lalu.

Intinya, aku ngerasa sedih banget lah ya. Berpikir macam-macam dan kalau-kalau ada hal yang tidak hal diluar kendali atau ekspektasi aku yang terjadi. Karena pikiran orang kan bisa berubah, omongan orang ga selalu bisa dipegang.

Tapi di momen kabisat ini juga aku belajar banyak hal. Bukan aku aja ternyata yang punya masalah sama hidup *ceileeh anaknya sok dewasa abis. Bahkan, mungkin masalah di hidup aku masalahnya level anak remaja jika dibandingkan orang-orang sekitar aku.

Kayak tadi, aku banyak metik pelajaran dari seorang kolega tentang pernikahannya yang udah jalan kurang lebih 12 tahun lamanya dan seharusnya sudah dikarunia 4 orang anak, tapi sayang keempat anaknya meninggal setelah sempat dilahirkan maupun masih dalam kandungan. Malah, aku sempat berkaca-kaca dengernya, anak kembarnya yang lahir prematur sempat ia gendong sebelum akhirnya meninggal dunia juga dan dikuburkan dengan kedua tangannya sendiri. Akhirnya, kolegaku ini sampailah pada suatu keputusan untuk memotivasi dirinya sendiri. Intinya, segala yang dia lakukan saat ini adalah untuk meraih surganya.

Katanya, 'karena aku ingin berkumpul kelak dengan keempat anakku di surga'

Masak

Udah dari lama, masak memasak atau jadi ahli masak masuk resolusi tiap tahun sejak tahun 2013. Tapi entah kenapa (tau sih kenapanya), saya belum berhasil mencapai resolusi itu. Saya kekeh banget sama belajar masak ini, karena menurut salah satu ayat Al-Quran yang saya baca kira kira intinya wanita yang menumbuk tepung buat suami dan anak-anaknya pahalanya besar banget! (saya lupa persisnya surat apa dan ayat apa). Cuma, lumayan kan bikin investasi di akhirat cuma dengan memasak makanan buat keluarga.

Namun ternyata masak butuh perjuangan banget ya. Buat dapetin rasa dan tampilan yang pas agak susah. Saya agak agak skeptis sama kemampuan saya untuk menakar nakar bumbu yang pas. Entah itu kepedesan, terlalu kental, sampai ga kerasa apa-apa (meskipun ujung-ujungnya saya berpasrah pada R*yco untuk munculin rasa). Padahal resepnya berdasarkan riset dari berbagai sumber loh.

Kalau liat ibu saya masak, rasanya bumbunya gitu-gitu aja deh. Tapi pas saya praktekin, hasilnya langit dan bumi banget. Akhirnya saya menyimpulkan, mungkin salah satu kunci saya dalam gagal masak adalah:

a. terlalu pede tingkat chef internasional
b. saya kurang suka makan, jadi ga terlalu passionate banget bikin masakan sendiri
c. kalau saya masuk dapur, mama pasti terkesan 'ngusir' karena beliau ga mau diganggu dengan kehadiran saya yang cuma bikin proses masak lama. *tapi karena sekarang umur udah hampir seperempat abad dan belum juga bisa masak, akhirnya beliau ga protes saya masuk dapur dan bumbu ga kerasa apa apa. Yippie!!!
d. Kosan saya sekarang ga supportif untuk masak, beda sama kosan waktu jaman kuliah dulu, waktu jamannya saya ekperimen berbagai jenis makanan. Ada kulkas, kompor gas, segala macem untuk stok bahan makanan.

Tapi, karena usia saya yang semakin tua. Saya perlu agak tau diri untuk belajar masak sesegera mungkin. Demi hajat hidup orang banyak!